I've always had a fascination with healing, energy and our connection to spirit. I was told throughout my life by others that I was a natural healer and an old soul.
When I was little, I sensed when others needed help and could feel their sickness or emotional grief. I was scared of those who were sick or in pain, but I didn't understand then that I was feeling their emotions in my body.
I associated healing with magic and thought that I would one day understand how to magically heal others. In 1st grade, when asked what I wanted to be when I was older, while other kids said things like princess, fire fighter or astronaut, I wanted to be magic. I didn't necessarily believe that I was magic, but I thought that if I knew the magic words or gesture that it would initiate a transformation, and that this would make me magic.
With that said, I wasn't interested in performing actual magic tricks, but I didn't have the language to refer to the gift of healing in any other way. My favorite TV shows were Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie, and often wondered what they knew that I didn't.
I dabbled in healing modalities and metaphysical books throughout my life, but never made it my focus until I reached a point where I had completely lost myself and needed to turn to healing in order to save myself.
Just before the recession of 2008 hit, I began to struggle with my health. I had purchased a retail store, and the stress of dedicating myself to a job that didn't fulfill me was more than I could handle. After 7 years of running myself ragged, I ended up losing my shop in the end, and had developed PTSD around the fear of failure and losing everything.
My fears consumed me, and I continued to struggle with my health for years to come. I began researching healing and health strategies and became a nutritional therapist, a hypnotherapist, and energy healer, among other modalities.
I knew that I was meant to heal myself, so that I could then share what I learned with others, but in order for me to do that, I needed to start being more honest with myself about the way I was living my life, because I wasn't being true to myself.
I needed to start taking myself more seriously and truly listen to my inner knowing, so that I could take the actions necessary to live authentically. I had to learn to trust myself, and this took time.
I had a vision in mind of how I wanted to perform my work and looked to others to pave the way until I began to develop my own techniques and methods. I spent much needed time healing myself from childhood traumas and repressed emotional patterning, that was pivotal in healing my relationships and physical health issues.
Though I studied nurtition and followed many healing protocols, cleanses, and diets, I found the nutritional world to be overwhelming and contradictory. I found that there are a lot of assumptions made about health, that spread fear and blame food as the cause or culprit.
I saw a world that teaches people to distrust themselves and look to others for answers, and to look outside of themselves for the cause. Intuitively, I knew that I had the answers within myself, and while nutrition plays a role, I found there was something much deeper to understand about our health and wellbeing, that ended up being the missing piece to my healing process.
During my healing journey, I found that my health issues were a language that my body used to communicate my unresolved emotional traumas and repressed emotions. I began to notice the parallels and symbology in this physical language that my body used to express the memories and beliefs I was holding in my tissues.
If I was reinacting an emotional experience from when I was 8 years old, it didn't matter what healing protocol I was on, or what food I was eating, I would still feel horrible and would react to my environment with resistance.
I developed an intolerance to many foods because I was stuck in fear and projecting my emotions onto my experience. Only if I was being emotionally supported in the ways I needed, would I respond effectively.
Unfortunately, this path was not straight and narrow, and led to many plateaus and pitfalls with my health.
I could emotionally support myself, but this was a slippery slope, as I had to become well versed in recognizing when younger parts of myself were being triggered, and taking me out of alignment. Then, have the awareness to be the supportive parent to those younger parts, so I could be more in my heart.
It took years of self reflection and personal awareness, as I was often stubborn. I wanted to help myself rather than look to others for support, but even the healers need to be witnessed, or have someone to reflect with and help us see ourselves more objectively.
Part of what I discovered was, that those who have endured more trauma have a higher propensity towards illness, and will cause them to have a more challenging time when trying to heal. Trauma trains the body and mind to play tricks on us, like a scared child who will do anything to stay hidden, in order to keep themself safe.
Becoming self reflective when you are highly dissociative from trauma takes longer because it feels like a farther reach. There is simply more layers of limitation to work through.
If a person hasn't experienced love, safety or security like others, they don't have much to go on to change their perspective. They simply don't know that what they've been led to believe about themselves isn't true because the child within is still running the show.
There is a big misunderstanding in many mindset or manifestation practices that you can just think positive or feel into the positive outcome of what you want and not have to heal the past, but when you have dissociative parts of yourself who are resisting the process, skipping this step will actually polarize you from the positive outcome you are attempting to instill because it is much like holding contradictory beliefs simultaneously.
If you've developed an illness as a result of trauma or stress, visualizing yourself healed is a big part of the healing process, but when there are parts of you in resistance to this vision, because that vision feels unsafe to them, they will literally make you more sick, or scream and shout and cause more pain.
We experience the whole spectrum of life so that we can learn from it. So if you're ignoring the lessons put before you, no matter how great of a manifestor you are, these lessons will persist until you give them the attention and acknowledgment they deserve. We are all manifestors and will always manifest the vibration of the unresolved traumas that still exist within us until they are brought into consciousness.
Sure you can focus all your energy on the positive and begin to reprogram yourself emotionally, but without addressing the elephant in the room, all you will be able to think about is the elephant in the room.
This is why I developed a healing system that acknowledges and pin points the traumas of the past, without excavating years of trauma, so that my clients can heal quickly, while gaining a deeper understanding of who they are, so they can let go of who they are not.
I finally came to a point in my own healing process where I broke through my own illusions and connected with the part of myself that knew what I was capable of and nurtured myself until I was strong enough to stand on my own.
Every step of the way shaped my methods of healing, until I was able to put it all into a system that I use today. It is no surprise that, I am now able to help my clients effortlessly resolve their own emotional patterns and issuess, so that they can awaken to a more satisfying life, filled with purpose, wonder and intention, that many say IS just like magic.